Did you get cold feet before your wedding day?
That was easy. Check back Wednesday for Mike’s response.
Ok, ok so that wasn’t a sufficient answer. Let’s start by defining “cold feet”. A quick Google search will tell you that the saying, cold feet, means ‘a loss of nerve or confidence’. The entertainment industry has romanticized this very unromantic notion by depicting countless brides and grooms freaking out before their wedding and calling it quits.
This blows my mind.
I get that it can be scary to say I’m going to spend the rest of my life with this guy. But honestly if that scares you I don’t think you’re ready for marriage. That fear comes from a selfish heart. Seriously, why wouldn’t you want to spend forever with the guy who got down on one knee and declared his undying love for you? I mean most of us spend our lives chasing that sort of commitment and then the second we get it we freak, why? The most frequent answer I’ve heard to that question is “what if there’s someone better?”
I know you’ve got it going on, or whatever, but reality is there will always be someone prettier, smarter, and more spiritual than you (and me) too. Those types of reasons can’t be the end-all be all of whether or not you marry someone. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be attracted to your spouse physically, intellectually, and spiritually. But if you only want to marry your significant other because they’re the hottest, or smartest, or any other –est you’ve ever dated you’ll undoubtedly feel like you settled five years, or even months, down the line when someone even more –est than him walks into your life.
So how did I know Mike was the one?
Our love story is such a God story that we should literally pitch it to Sherwood Pictures or some other Christian movie-maker. I understand that isn’t the norm but I do think there were signs that every girl can be on the lookout for.
Sign 1 – I didn’t run.
So after going on my rant about selfishness I have to confess that for many years I was selfish. My relationship with Mike wasn’t the first in which talks of marriage ever came up. It was, however, the first time I didn’t want to throw a temper tantrum, hide in my room, or run for the hills. While on the outside I smiled and stayed in those relationships for as long as I could on the inside I was a mess. I panicked over the idea of losing my freedom or being stuck with someone forever.
Sign 2 – I had peace.
During the pre-Mike seasons, shared above, God was working overtime on me. I didn’t understand how I could have all the on paper qualities one should look for in a spouse and still not be sure. I came to the conclusion that something must be wrong with me. And there was. I was looking for a man to complete me and in each situation I could see the finish line (marriage) but I still felt incomplete.
Sign 3 – I saw our calling.
That’s because I was incomplete. I needed to take time to let God make me whole before I could ever think of joining my life with someone else. By the end of that season I was confident and secure in who I was and what my life should look like. I came to a point where I didn’t need marriage to give me my worth and then in walks Mike. We had seen each other, in passing, for years but it wasn’t until we shifted our focus to God’s plan for our individual lives that we were able to really see each other.
And that changed everything.
Yes, there were moments when I thought, “do I have what it takes to be a great wife”. And moments when I thought, “what if he wakes up one day and realizes I’m a hot mess”. I had fear because the devil hates marriage and he’s going to attack one that’s destined to do great things for the Kingdom. At the end of the day my marriage wasn’t just about me. It wasn’t just about Mike. It was about dedicating all of my life and my greatest ministry to the One who gave up everything for me, Jesus.
I’m just lucky enough to be able to do that with my best friend.