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confessions | Sometimes, I get stuck



While I was mindlessly scrolling through my Instagram I saw this picture my friend (@vmisheaaa ) posted.
My first thought was "gosh, she's so (Christian) hipster and cool". Then I read her caption:



|| And the cooking continues…blueberry crisp tonight. Blueberry picking has definitely outlasted itself. Thank you @sniequist for the recipe and the constant reminder to "start where you are".||

Let's pause for a second. I bet you thought the caption was going to be something super spiritual like:

For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.
Psalm 107:9 (NLT)
 
And since it wasn't now you're probably thinking "who cares that your friend got a recipe for dessert and posted a picture of her food on IG"? Unless of course you know that @sniequist is Shauna Niequist author of bread & wine the book from which the blueberry recipe came. The very same book that was literally within arms' reach as I read the post. So I reached for it and turned to page 40 titled "start where you are"(the lowercase is intentional. Apparently Shauna doesn't believe in the use of capital letters in titles).
Ok so now it's getting more (Christian) hipster…stay with me.
Shauna writes of a friend, Laura, who made a New Year's resolution to do just what the title says. Within the story she shares the following gem of advice:

|| Whatever thing seems too intimidating or enormous, whatever new skill seems too far off to develop, whatever project has been hanging over your head for what seems like forever: start where you are.||

Or how my grandma puts it "inch by inch it's a cinch, yard by yard it's too hard" (or maybe I read that in a sewing manual). Often times we get so overwhelmed by the totality of a task that we don't even begin to try to accomplish it. We talk ourselves out of something that could have been great due to fear of inadequacy. But y'all everyone has to start somewhere. Everyone has to start where they are.

I should probably print out that reminder and tape it to every door in my apartment, take a dry erase marker and write it on every mirror, and find some cool way to display it in my car because I'm hard on myself when I prove to be less than perfect. I get frustrated when I produce a design that doesn't quite look like the vision in my head. I get upset when I sit down to write and walk away with a post that's all over the place. I get discouraged when I allow myself to get mad or be hurt by something that I know isn't a big deal.

I want to have it all together and make having it all together look effortless; but I don't. I fail daily and it hurts. It hurts even more when, like yesterday, I have one of those days where I think "Good job Cass we made it out of this one spotless" only to get covered in the mess of my emotions moments before bed. On those days I sometimes cry and I always pray then I remember that I've come so far. There once was a time I didn't even know how to do the things I do now with ease. There once was a time I couldn't even begin to fathom handling certain situations with the grace that now seems anything but optional. When I focus on how right other people are getting things I forget how far I've come. I forget that even in my moments of failure, by just trying, I actually succeed. I'm beginning to learn that starting is enough; God will take care of the rest. He always does.