You try to make things work; you try to hold it all together. This was your dream and you've invested too much time. You've invested far too much energy to let it fall apart now. Besides you two look great on paper. So why is it that you've begun to dread his texts? Why do you ignore his calls? Why do you search for any excuse to skip date night?
I'm not writing to tell you to "end it now". That might not be your path. And if it is I understand that the decision must come on your own terms at your own time. But I am here to tell you that what you're feeling is ok, all the confusion, the conflicting emotions, and the uncertainty. It's ok to love him deeply yet still long for so much more. Right now you feel like the world is watching. They're waiting for you to fail or hoping for you to succeed.
You might feel the burden to keep others happy. You might feel fear that there is nothing better out there. You need to know that this state of hopelessness cannot remain. Your life is far too precious and your purpose is far too big to be obsessing over this one relationship. There are conversations to be had and questions to be asked.
Is this relationship making you better or worse?
Do you really accept one another?
Do you have fun together?
Can you have fun apart?
Does he have your back?
Are you growing together?
What are you doing to hold this relationship back?
It's overwhelming because as a girl you've been bombarded with the idea of marriage as the end goal. You've been made to feel that all accolades and accomplishments pale in comparison to a tiny ring on your left hand. That's just silly. Yes, God loves marriage. He uses it to further illuminate His love to us here on earth. He uses it to shape us and make us more Christ-like. But the end goal of our lives is not to be married to an earthly groom. The end goal is to glorify and serve our Heavenly one. So devote yourself to the One who brings hope. Search His word, pray, and you'll know what to do next.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God
s will is
his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12: 2 (VOICE)