Follow my blog with Bloglovin

confessions | I'm experiencing growing pains


For those of you that don't know I'm working on a book. At this point it's not much more than outlines, clever chapter titles, and random notes. Yesterday while working on my Bible study homework I was struck with inspiration so I went to my journal to add my newest idea. As I finished a page jumped out at me. On it I had written only a prayer. I haven't decided how personal and transparent I wanted to make my book but I decided it couldn't hurt to document my feelings throughout the writing process to give me options later.
While looking at my prayer my eyes probably doubled in size and all I could think was "me and my big mouth". I'm currently going through a season of growth and experiencing the pains that come along with it. And there staring at me in black in white, in my own words, was me asking for it! Of course I didn't ask verbatim for the tests and trials I'm experiencing. I didn't say 'God please bring me to a place of brokenness so I can learn to depend on you".  
What I did ask was that the Holy Spirit fight for me, comfort me, encourage me, and most importantly correct me. Yikes! Even in the prayer itself I noted the fear with which I made that last request but honestly I knew I needed it. So here I stand at a crossroads experiencing things I'd rather not experience and learning lessons I'm pretty sure I could survive without learning. I mean hey I see proof of ignorant people thriving every day (and they call it bliss) can't I just be like them? But I know that God is calling me to more.

I had a teacher once that always said "to whom much is given much is required". It was years before I realized she was paraphrasing scripture |Luke 12:48| and even longer before I saw the relevance of that verse in my life because at the time I didn't feel I had been given much.
While writing this post I'm reminded of a time I visited a church with family friends. We went to see the daughter perform her solo. There also happened to be a guest preacher that Sunday. I felt her eyes on me for longer than I was comfortable with during the service and they were fixed on me while the choir sung their final song. After service she walked straight to our pew and shared a vision God had given her about me. In the uncomfortableness of the moment I brushed it off. However, over the years (when I least expect it…like now) I'm reminded of that moment and the intense look in her eyes.
Maybe you didn't have someone specifically share a vision with you but God has a role for each of his people when it comes to building His kingdom. In order to preform our role we must allow Him to shape and mold us as a potter does to clay |Isaiah 64:8|. It is often right when we are on the verge of something big that things seem the darkest. But those are the times we need to cling to Him the most.
A question comes to mind when I think of those times of trials, testing, and brokenness.
Will you still love Him throughout?